My boss has a quote up on his wall. It says "Is this the hill I want
to die for?"
I never really understood it. At first I thought it had something to
do with a lawsuit he was involved in about some land he owns. After a
conversation with my aunt Betsy last night, it finally made sense.
My family is dysfunctional and that's putting it nicely. It's not
always a bad thing to be dysfunctional but in our candy bar of a
family, we have more nuts than most.
We, as a whole, tend to react with our emotions and worry about the
clean up later. Most times, we yell, scream, throw fits that would make
a toddler proud and 10 minutes later we are laughing about it. I don't
know if it's our Irish heritage or just who we are and it's all of us.
Family gatherings can go amazingly well or down the toilet in a New
York minute. (See the hill? Keep looking...)
My mother has 4 sisters. They run the gamot on personalities. Remember
Jenny in Forrest Gump? Yes, I have an aunt for every stage she went
through. We have the straight laced one, the hippie, the flower child,
the disco queen and the free spirited mom.
They are all strong, independant women who have taught me many lessons.
The best part about them was thier youth. My mother married young and
had me at 20. I grew up with my 2 youngest aunts almost like sisters.
In fact, my youngest aunt is just a mere 7 years older than I. I loved
having her during my crazy teenage years. She was young enough to
remember but old enough to know better. She was my Maid of Honor and I
consider her one of my best friends. I mean, we graduated from the same
high school in the same decade. (My dean actually told me that he was
watching me because he was her dean as well. She apparently was a bit
of a troublemaker). The second youngest aunt pretty much raised me and
I really believe I turned out as well as I did because of her
influence. I have always considered myself very lucky to have these
women in my life.
Because of these strong personalities there are, of course, conflicting
opinions. That's where the hill/dying thing comes in.
As I get older, I'm seen as less of a child so I'm therefore privy to
more "adult" things going on with the family. I've had some issues with
a family member for quite some time now. In the beginning there were
tons of yelling, insult hurling, crying and nastiness. In time, I came
to realize that I couldn't change that person's opinion of the
situation and while I didn't expect the family member to embrace my
opinions, I wasn't prepared for the reality that came my way. This
particular family member needs to be right. ALL THE TIME. This person
will keep an argument going until their opponent surrenders. It's sort
of like a lion running down a gazelle. Most of the time, the opponent
gets tired of the fight and just gives in. If the opponent refuses to
give in, that person is labled stubborn and heartless. All this just
because someone has the nerve to have thier own mind.
Do you see it now? That big hill? Yep, there I am! And for a long time,
I struggled to win that hill. Then one day, I sat down and looked
around. This side isn't so bad. Nice view, pretty flowers. Why did I
want the whole hill? That's alot of upkeep and besides, what do I need
a whole hill for anyway?
Did I back down from my own principles? No but I made a decision not to
fight. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself - Is this really worth
the energy? Is this a fight worth fighting or is it someone who is
bored, just looking for drama? I thought long and hard and what it came
down to was that as much as I cared for the person, I wasn't willing be
miserable because of a silly difference of opinion.
So from now on, when a crisis occurs, I'm going to ask myself "Is this the hill I want to die for?" and see where the answer takes me.
